Messing with the muff…

You might recall that a few blogs ago, I mentioned a UK TV programme called ‘How to Look Good Naked’. Following a (now tired) format, it focuses on an individual woman’s dislike of an aspect of her body. Sometimes it can even be a detestation of the whole shooting match. The aim is simply to get her to feel so confident and different about her body that she is prepared to have her photo taken naked and to walk down a catwalk in Manchester’s Trafford Centre in her undies.

All well and good, and its presented by the usual camp as Christmas stylist (male, of course) who becomes the best friend of the woman concerned. However, there is one issue I am sick and tired of hearing about and that concerns the need for us ladies to keep our muff in good condition. There is only one response to this piece of advice.

Fuck off.

What is wrong with a rampaging muff? Why are women expected to look like pre-pubescent girls with no body hair and no pubes? Why are we increasingly being exhorted to exfoliate within an inch of our lives ‘down there’? Clearly there is some frightful conspiracy going on with the makers of thongs (now they really make your cellulite look classy I can tell you) the purveyors of exfoliators and all these stylists. One highly unpleasant idea that I harbour from time to time is that the person pulling all these strings, some kind of global Karl Largerfeld, is actually wanting to groom women so that they look like children – stick thin and hairless. Its’ revolting. And what makes it worse, teenage girls think that they need to have this ‘perfect porno pussy’. It all gets me very Germaine Greer so it does. When I was a teenager in the 1970s we used to have sassy women who used to campaign against this kind of nonsense. Where have they all gone? And why are we so compliant with this kind of bullshit?

My advice on how to look good naked is actually fairly simple. Eat chocolate, have hot bath with something nice in it (like more chocolate), haul ass out, pick up great book, flop on bed with cuppa tea and immerse yourself…with full on bush, natch.