One of the things I find with regard to the yule festivities is that you tend to catch up with family and friends – it’s about the only thing I like about that time of year. This year I had the xmas missive from one of my cousins telling me (and sundry others) that his marriage had ended after 25 years. This was not a great shock – I thought that it was a possibility but sometimes people decide that they’ll make a go of it and that 25 years actually counts for something…
In order to offer some vestige of support, I took Robbo out for a wee meal yesterday. Locanda Locatelli. So I was clearly making an effort here and in all fairness, Rob has been good to me for many years, supporting me when I snotted my proverbial nose.
But I left a few hours later with a sense of depression and concern. Part of the reason why Rob’s marriage has broken up is due to the fact that he found the love of his life, somewhat belatedly in his late 50s. The woman in question just happens to me his wife’s best friend. Now, said woman is not prepared to leave husband or 16 year old daughter but I think that she reciprocates many of my cousin’s tender feelings. She has clearly not told him to piss off, but there is part of me that feels that this would be the honourable thing to do. This whole business has been dragging on for about 3 years now and it has something of an obsessive feel to it (at least from Rob’s point of view).
I am in no position to make moral judgements – I have a honey who is married and has been so for over 30 years and has two adult children. I contributed very substantially to the demise of my ex-husband’s marriage – something I feel deeply appalled by. So who am I to say ‘walk away’ build your life? Maybe I am re-living my past and projecting what I should have done in 1993 onto my cousin. I should have walked away and treated my twat of a husband as fling; all very nice at the time, but go home to your wife mate. I’m not against people having affairs but I am a great believer in discretion and care wherever possible – especially where there is absolutely no intention by one or both parties to disrupt their domestic situation. But I do understand the role passion and love play and that it is ok for me to pontificate safe in my rather nice old chair but hey, I ain’t smitten like a kitten.
No advice was offered other than to take care and none was sought. We parted amicably and I got to see Giorgio Locatelli in the flesh and eat his wonderful food.
So why the moral indigestion?
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3 comments:
I dunno, I just think it's easier to judge than to not judge, humans eh, we just need to put everything neatly into pockets.
I think that 25 years does mean something but it also makes us too cosy. If our physical systems didn't have to fight anything for the best part of 25 years and then some enormous and alien infection came along, be difficult to cope with. Death maybe.
Er, sorry, wasn't meaning you should cure your moral indigestion with a little dose of judgement, I was meaning that what you are doing, supporting without judging is more difficult. Don't think I phrased that very well.
Had to google Georgio Locatelli, so now I know:)
It's difficult, isn't it? I have only met his wife a couple of times and I found her highly scary! But I feel something of a hypcrite because whilst I am trying to support without judging (at least where F2F interaction is concerned), I am going off and blogging my true feelings.
And Locatelli's is wonderful. The kind of thing you do once in a blue moon - or get a rich friend to treat you to.
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